I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
