He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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