Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sober January is a disaster.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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