I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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