TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
