i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
