this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
