I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
These tits shall not be calmed
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
