Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
