i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
