She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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