Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize