no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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