it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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