Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
