my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
how does that bad decision feel?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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