1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
