my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
