That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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