There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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