Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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