Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
