they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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