i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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