Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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