the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
