woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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