A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
