I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
