I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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