shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
