The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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