Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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