P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My balls are so social today.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize