Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
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