I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize