you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
