All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
