when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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