i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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