the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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