you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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