who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
