I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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