how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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