I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
