she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
