its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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