I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
