We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
