Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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