I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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