In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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