the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
