Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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