shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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