I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
