I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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