that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize