Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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