As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
