I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
