I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
