Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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