I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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