South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
