it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
