first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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