So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
