i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
