Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
