She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
