So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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