you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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