i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm always down for nudity.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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