I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
