It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
