my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
