Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
