I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
