i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
