Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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