I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
