At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
