I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
