You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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