i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
