Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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