Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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