do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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