Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
