Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
