I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize