Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
