I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
