you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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