why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
