Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
