when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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