he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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