so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
