dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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