I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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