oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
